Smart Time With Nintendo
by Pit'sSexyWifeNikki66
Summary: Want to become smarter, but don't want to study? Then just read this! It's full of true, freaky, and awesome facts! And as a bonus, it's presented by your favorite Nintendo characters!


And now it's time for random facts and shit with Kuro, Pit, Ephriam, Ike, Roy, Eliwood, and others! Oh, and the famed Ike Train makes an appearance too!

Pit - "Hey! Listen to my cool alliteration! Pie pee pi pyrite pumpernickel pumpkin penis pea pirate perilous your mom!"

Ephriam – "An alliteration is a series, or sentence, with all the same sounds or beginning letter. A good example is Pit's alliteration. Except, you should have them make sense, and don't add 'your mom' to the end."

Kuro - "A PUDDLE OF PURPLE PIT PEE. Because He peed in the cavern! Because he thought it was going to break, and he got scared, then he peed! In his pants! Spandex. Whatever."

Pit - "Pyrite Konkerstruedles Konkerstruedles Konkerstruedles Konkerstruedles Konkerstruedles Konkerstruedles!"

Kuro – "What the fuck is a Konkerstruedles?"

Eliwood – Oh goodness, every one, clear the tracks! The Ike Train is coming!"

Ike Train - "Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga LA LAAAAA!"

Ephriam – "Random factoid, an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away, and it adds eight years to your life."

Ephriam – "Thank you Kuro. That was very necessary."

Pit – "*Mouth hanging open in shock* …"

Ike - "Fucking is the name of a town in Austria."

Pit - "Laughter is a panic response to when someone tickles you! You won't laugh when you tickle yourself as your body feels no danger!"

Pit and Kuro at the same time - "Ancient Greeks believed that red heads would turn into vampires when they died!"

Roy – "Oh shit…"

Eliwood - "Men like girls with big boobs and ass because it means they are fertile."

Kuro - "Smoking marijuana before sex makes it more pleasurable for the man and woman."

Ephriam – "You smoke?"

Kuro – "No, but for people who do. *Wink*"

Eliwood – "Lake Erie is the most polluted place in America."

Pit – "Humans are disgusting."

Ike – "Hey! I'm not disgusting!"

Pit - *Gasp* "No! Ike, you aren't disgusting! Other humans are disgusting! Oh, and Ephriam, you aren't nasty either."

Kuro – "Eating seventeen blueberries a day will give you more essential vitamins and minerals in one day then a multi vitamin will in one week."

Pit – "Yummy! I love blueberries!"

Roy – "Gingers are more prone to blindness and being deaf then others."

Pit – "Roy, no one cares about you. I know it's hard to accept, but you'll live." *Pats Roy on the back kindly*

Kuro – "A pack of crows is called a murder."

Henry – "Come my murder, we have some graves to loot!"

Kuro – "Can I go? I look like a crow,"

Henry – "Oh! You do! You are a walking humanoid crow! Come, human-crow! You will be the leader of my murder!"

*Henry, Kuro and his murder all leave to loot graves*

Pit – There is a 95 percent chance that you will survive a plane crash, AND! It's one of the safest ways to travel!"

Ike – "More people are killed by coconuts dropping on their heads than by shark attacks."

Pit – "Oh, and for Kuro's crow thing, Crows have almost the same level of intelligence as humans and dolphins!"

Ike – "Only humans and dolphins have sex for pleasure."

Pit – "Dolphins will rape another dolphin to show dominance."

Ike – "A pig's orgasm lasts for thirty minutes."

Pit – "…"

Ike – "I should have kept that to myself." *Face palm*

Pit – "How do you even know that?"

Ike – "How do you know that dolphins rape each other?"

Pit – "Shut up! I asked first!"

Ike – "People with higher intelligence levels are more likely to have sex under age then those with a lower IQ due to curiosity."

Pit – "People with blue eyes are more likely to go blind."

Ike – "All human babies are born colorblind."

Eliwood – "Can I just get something in here? Umm, doorways are linked to memory loss, which is why most people forget why they went into a room."

Pit – "Yeah! That's why I forget all the time!"

Ike – "That explains why you insist on running through the house into all the rooms early in the morning then screaming that you forgot why you came in here."

Pit – "Angel food cake is called angel food cake because they believed that it was the food of angels because of how good it was."

Ike – "Who believed that?"

Pit - *Shrugs* "I don't remember!"

Eliwood – "Did you walk through a doorway?"

Pit – "Nope! Or, did I?" *Thoughtful look*

Ike – "ANYways… It's illegal to mispronounce Arkansas in Arkansas. It's pronounced like Are-can-saw. If it's pronounced like that, then why is it spelt like a third grader on acid spelt it?" *Same thoughtful look as Pit*

Eliwood – "Benadryl can cause hallucinations so vivid people think they are real if you take enough of it."

Roy – "Where's my Benadryl? I've got to try this."

Pit – "No! Roy, it's a sin! Don't do drugs! Here, have a cure!" *Runs over and hugs Roy*

Everyone In The Room – "Awkward…" *Cricket noises*

Ike – There is a species of fish that will swim up your urine and go into your penis."

Pit - *Face loses all color and his jaw drops* "I-I don't l-like fish any-anymore…"

Eliwood – *Sipping a random cup of tea* The Blue Ring Octopus is one of the most deadly creatures on Earth, with a venom that kills almost instantly. Its rings don't show up until AFETR it bites you."

Pit – "Quit making me hate everything!"

Ike – "Unless killed, Lobsters and jellyfish will life forever."

Pit – "So, that whole 'prime lobster' thing is fake? Those things never die? No! Ike, how does that make you feel?"

Ike – "What?"

Pit – "A lobster lives longer than you. It lives longer than Kuro and all his eight year gaining orgasms. He can have as many orgasms as he wants, he will never out live a lobster! Unless it turns into Eliwood's dinner." *Points to Eliwood*

Eliwood – "I don't like lobster."

Pit - *Slowly turns to him, a death glare adorning his beautiful face* You. Do. Now."

Eliwood - *Shrinks back and hides in his shirt* "O-okay…"

Pit – "There is, a ring of volcanoes in America, that is called the Ring of Fire, and if there is a huge, HUGE earthquake, it will set off the Ring of Fire, and America will die!"

Ike – "Yep. America will, ultimately, be destroyed."

Pit – "If all honeybees went extinct, the Apocalypse will happen within four years of their extinction. Why? I have no idea."

Ike – "That's pretty nuts."

Pit – "I would start the Apocalypse because there would be no more honey, and I love honey!" *Pulls out random jar of honey and starts to eat it*

Ike – "Hey Pit, did you know that Homosexuality came from Greece."

Pit – "I'm not sure if I should be offended or not." *Closes and throws the jar of honey behind him.* *Hits Roy in the head*

Ike – "I'm done with this. I'm going to bed." *Gets up and leaves*

Pit – "Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you! Party Pooper! Party Pooper!" *Follows Ike into room*

Ephriam – "Is it just me, or was that really awkward? You know, porn is illegal, but Yaoi, Yuri and Hentai are not." *Winks at Eliwood*

Eliwood – "WOAH! SAVE THAT FOR KURO!" *Gets up and runs out of the room*

Ephriam - *Turns to Roy* Looks like it's just us buddy."

Roy – "Are you going to shun me for my hair color too?"

Ephriam - *Raspberries* Nah dude! You're just as dumb as Hector, and he's not a ginger!"

Roy – "Will you guys shut up about that?"

Ephriam – "BOOM! Bee-othch!" *Gets up and stomps around on the ground*  
Roy – That is an onamonapia. A word that describes a sound with that sound, such as boom, actually makes the sound, boom, so if you heard an explosion, you would say it went boom. Well, maybe not like that, but you get what I mean. Like meow. The sound of a cat's meow, sounds like, meow, so that's what we call it, thus making it, AN ONAMONAPIA!"

Ephriam – "People who play video games have better hand-eye coordination, remember things better, and can solve problems faster."

Roy – "Yeah! I'm a genius!"

Ephriam – "No you're not. You're FROM a game, not PLAYING a game."

Roy – "Shut up." *Crosses arms and looks away*

Ephriam – "Humans and dogs are the only living species that go off of eye contact for threats and safety."

*Door opens and Kuro comes back in*

Kuro – "Hey, where's Pit and Ike?"

Ephriam – "In there." *Points to their room*

Kuro – "Oh. Guess what I learned from Henry!" *Hops over to the other side of the living room and sits down happily*

Ephriam – "Enlighten us with your knowledge." *Rolls eyes*

Kuro – "Wolves only howl when it's light at night, not at the moon. They also use howling for communication to check on their pack."

Ephriam – "Yeah and no two tigers have the same stipe pattern."

Kuro – "The black Mamba is the fastest snake in snake history!"

Ephriam – "There is a kind of viper called a Pit Viper. Just thought I'd let you know that."

Kuro – "My brother is a viper. Well, anyways, Brown Recluse spiders rot your skin when they bite you, and Hobo spiders make festering blisters. Both will kill you if medical attention is not given. These two spiders are also very identical in looks, but Hobo spiders are more see through and every joint in it's legs are visible. Brown Recluse also have a violin shape on it's back."

Ephriam – *Shaking in terror* "Kuro, shut up about the spiders!"

Kuro – "Black Widows kill almost instantly, and only the females are black with the hourglass. Males are brown and have more visible joints. They are just as deadly though."

Ephriam – "Kuro, shut up!"

Kuro – "Wolf Spiders are extremely aggressive and will even chase a human if it feels threatened."

Ephriam – "Kuro, I will find all these spiders, and let them loose on your room if you don't shut up."

Kuro – "Good luck catching them. They are all extremely aggressive, and will attack you when you disturb their home."

Ephriam – "Then I'll make Roy do it."

Roy – "Please don't, I have arachnophobia,"

Kuro – "Arachnophobia is the fear of spiders. I love spiders. I think they're cute and fun to play with."

Ephriam – "Cats will inbreed in the wild, but if forced to inbreed in captivity, or they are domestic cats, deformities will occur, such as curling dew claws, extra toes, bent forelegs, half tails, kinked tails, and even extra faces have been recorded."

Kuro – "Two headed snakes have been born, and only female angler fish have the lantern."

Ephriam – "Gopher Snakes imitate Rattle Snakes because they look like them. They will shake their tails in dry leaves to make it sound like a Rattle Snake rattle."

Kuro – "Gopher Snakes will also strike with their mouth shut to warn off enemies as they are not aggressive."

Ephriam – "Synonyms for sperm are spermatozoa, seed, ejaculate, cell, and semen."

Kuro – "Synonyms for brat are horror, terror, imp, little monster, holy terror, unpleasant child, little horror, and spoiled brat,"

Ephriam – "Dam. My mom used to call me a horror."

Kuro – "You are a horror."

Ephriam – "Hey! I thought you said you loved me!"

Kuro – "Sometimes love hurts."

Ephriam – "Lonely people take the longest showers."

Kuro – "No wonder Roy is always in the shower for so long."

Roy – "You know what? Fuck you guys! I'm done!" *Roy gets up and stomps out of the room*

Kuro – "Right handed men's right testicle hangs lower than the left and for left handed people, it's reversed."

Ephriam – "Oh. That's kinda awkward…"

Kuro – "Sensual is a synonym for sexual, but it's also a synonym for unintellectual."

Ephriam – "No wonder hookers who think they're sexy say they're easy."

Kuro – "Prostituting is illegal, but there are tons of them all over the place."

Ephriam – "Some hornets live underground."

Kuro – "Werewolves are scientifically called Lycanthropes."

Ephriam – "Copper burns green."

Kuro – "The sun is a star."

Ephriam – "All stars are miniature suns."

Kuro – "The eye on Jupiter is a storm."

Ephriam – "Pluto is considered a Dwarf Planet."

Kuro – "Earth is the only planet not named after a Greek god."

Ephriam – "Condors live in California."

Kuro – "Thunderbirds actually exist."

Ephriam – "Thunderbirds are said to make thunder when they flap their wings."

Kuro – "Western and Eastern dragons have no wings, but can still fly. They fly with magic."

Ephriam – "Komodo Dragons are not actually poisonous, but since they have so much bacteria in their mouths, the bite gets so infected it's deadly."

Kuro – "There are only two poisonous kinds of lizards."

Ephriam – "There is a mountain in Roseburg Oregon that half of it is blown off with dynamite. They did it to make I-5. (Interstate 5)"

Kuro – "Did you know, now one cares?"

Ephriam – "Hot springs are warmed by hot spots under the Earth's surface."

Kuro – "When snakes shed their skin, it turns inside out."

Ephriam – "Wait, snakes turn inside out?"

Kuro – "No, but when their skin sheds, it comes off inside out."

Ephriam – "Anime fanatics sometimes call themselves Otaku, but otaku is the word for someone who is absolutely obsessed with a character. A good example is Nikki. She's absolutely in love with Yuki from Gravitation. There isn't a good way to fully describe it, but the best way I can describe it is by saying… Well, they spend their whole lives wishing they could be with this one person, they dream about them, they are just plain obsessed."

Nikki – "Hey! Shut up! It's called _love, _not an _obsession!"_

Kuro – "It's okay, he's just dumb. Here, come in here, and watch Gravitation. It will make everything better." *Gets up and ushers Nikki into a different room*

Nikki – "B-But I want to smack him!" *Reaches a hand out to Ephriam*

Kuro – "No, no. I will smack him for you. Go watch your anime. Everything will be okay." *Shoves her in a room, then slams the door closed*

Nikki - *Voice sounds faint and muffled* No! He needs to be smacked! *Gravitation theme song plays* Ooohhh! Gravitation!"

Kuro – *Walks over to Ephriam. Smacks him upside the dome* "Dumb ass."

Ephriam – "Oh, goodness… My head hurts…. I'm taking a nap…"

Kuro – "Naps are actually good for your brain."

Ephriam – "Good. That's just what I need right now."

Kuro - *Watches Ephriam get up and go to his room* "Well. Now I'm all alone. By myself. I'm so lonely! *Gets on knees and cries* "I'm so lonely! *Gets up like it's nothing. Goes to the bathroom* "Might as well take a long shower."


End file.
